Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
