I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
