I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
