One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
