Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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