Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
