that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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