This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
