I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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