Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
