I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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