he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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