I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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