im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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