OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
