she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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