As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
