Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
