yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
