You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That accounts for only three of the penises
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
