giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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