he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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