Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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