Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I skipped work to stalk him.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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