broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
