So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Randomize
