She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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