My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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