Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
