ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
