I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
