I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
