Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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