Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
