I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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