I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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