Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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