I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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