she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
