But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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