I wannas sexs uuuuu
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
