I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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