I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
