No awkward lesbian experiences without me
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
