how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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