Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
