I can't watch pbs sober anymore
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
