Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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