I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
