Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
